Basket of Emotions

The basket is beginning to fill up. I got the most monumental news I'd received in my entire life yesterday. I was offered the opportunity to move to a brand new city, where I know no-one and teach special education in an risk-school. I'm excited, terrified, sad, grateful, conflicted....

I've always wished I was one of those stoic people who show no emotion. The ones that drive me crazy because I'm often so perplexed at how to read them. I think these people are generally boring, but if I was this person I would not think I was boring. I would not such a roller coaster right now. I would also be essentially an entirely different person. It is my emotional side that draws me to all the good things I've ever done and wonderful people I've ever loved. It is my emotional side that makes me good at caring for people, encouraging people... I have, on less confident days, and in less freeing experiences, wished that this side of me would become more quieted by my logical side. As I've grown, I've realized that they are both integral parts of my being and I would be incomplete if either changed. Raw emotion without regulation or understanding can be dangerous, but when I use the two together, I am strong and able to make a difference.

The last two years seem to have flown by and looking back I sometimes feel that this is when my distaste of my emotional side started. I then realize that this is when my emotional side was taxed and stretched just a little to far. This has a been a period of breaking down walls and insecurities to allow me to build back up. A time of great challenges and growth. Growing pains if you will.

I'm not 100% what my decision will be, but I'm ready to continue growing stronger as I try to help put more good in the world than I take away. What ever the next step is, I'm advancing with simplicity with this single philosophy leading the way- pouring positivity into the world. I know I sound naively optimistic, much like my younger self, but this is the attitude needed to get through. This is the attitude that drove my passions and will drive them until my time is up.

Thanks to everyone who has taught me to spread joy because you have given me pieces of your joy and spread them to others as well.