If I could change one thing about myself, I often immediately go to my heart. I wish my heart would be less loyal. I wish my heart would be less sensitive. I wish my heart would be less caring. Then my brain starts to kick in and I realize that if this were the case, everything good about myself would also change. I am loving, kind, and heartful. These are not bad things, but they constantly get me in predicaments that cripply my productivity and leave me feeling broken. I know this isn't unique to myself. I know that much of the world has the same problem. How do we solve this problem?
Do we use logic and ignore our hearts? This would make the world a dark and heartless place. Do we hold back the loyalty, sensitivity, and care when we fear it will hurt us? Do we continue to break ourselves down, until naturally we become so broken that we have no more power to love or care. Do we become jaded?
The answer must be no. The answer must be that we use our brains and our hearts in combination. We learn to love and communicate openly. We use each broken piece of our heart to help mend the hearts of others and in the process of mending ourselves we also learn. The heart and the brain are not discretionary organs. They are intricately intertwined. If I were a scientist, I'm sure there is also great scientific psychological and physiological experiments that I could site to back up this opinion, but I also have concrete evidence from the way my body feels and the emotional roller coasters I've witnessed in other's lives, that this is true.
With this solution, I have to stop and agonize about how truly blessed I've been in my life and how hard resilience is for me? This is one of the hardest parts for me about being a social worker. I see so much heartbreak in so many deserving peoples lives, children at that matter, who have had no choice. How then can I expect strength in them, when often they have no one to comfort them through life altering trauma. I on the other hand have handfuls of loved ones who will listen to me pour out my tiniest heartbreaks, and even I sometimes push my loved ones away. How can I expect others to have faith and trust that I who is getting paid for my job really cares, and is my care even valid? My care doesn't easily discriminate. Social workers are traditionally very forgiving and loving people. My care and concern is easy to come by. Supply and demand principles show that this makes my love less valuable.
I know this all sounds very depressing, and not so hopeful, but this is how I feel at least once a week these days and I can't get past my logical side to realize that maybe I'm not cut out for this. Maybe I'm just too faint hearted, and maybe my love doesn't discriminate enough... maybe not maybe.
In all of this; however, I do not loose hope in the idea that we should not give up on fighting the world's dilemma's with dignity, kindness, and compassion. I also, am not hopeless, but I cannot lie and say I'm not desperately discouraged. I'm in need of taking time for myself, but I don't know how to do this. I don't see a solution right now, that will not rip my heart out. I do see how blessed I am to have so many beautiful supports in my life who put up with much more than they should. I find my hope in the humanity and compassion of others.
This humanity is not limited to my loved ones or even my co-workers, but there is an intense humanity (sometimes stronger) in the clients that I work with. A humanity that deeply humbles me and shakes me to my core. A humanity that causes me to feel dirty in many of my previously self righteous attitudes. A humanity that brings me to tears and to my knees in prayer and thought to a power of good much larger than I can ever wrap my thoughts around.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Overmedicated?
Did you know that there is one psychotropic medication prescribed for almost every person living in the US?? Ok, these statistics are based on a training I went to and I don't have the source to cite; however, the trainer was a highly qualified child psychiatrist with fancy graphs and a tie, so I'm taking it as fact. If this were not my cathartic outlet, I would prove my statement, but I'm not because that would require wasted energy. Energy being far too precious a commodity for me to waste these days. Back to the point of this post- most of these prescriptions are anti-depressants, which makes since because so many people I know have been prescribed these without even seeing a mental health doctor.
I'm not one for outlandish conspiracies. I've heard rants about prescription drug companies and doctors being in cahoots to over medicate our society and I've definitely been inclined to fall prey to these easy explanations for an over medicated society. When I stop and think about it, I realize that I'd have to have pretty little faith in humanity to think this is actually true. I know plenty of people who would not let greed supersede their desire to help others or promote positive things in our society. Does this mean that I think our society is not over medicated? Hardly! I think that the conspiracies arise because of people who realize that it is a quick, and often scary, fix to a much larger problem.
I didn't really start thinking about this issue very much until I started working in mental health, experiencing chronic stress, and talking with friends who had been/ or knew someone who had been prescribed psychotropic medication. I was raised by half hearted hippies who rarely put me on anything and let me run relatively free in some respects, so even if a doctor had told my parents I should have been medicated as a child, I would not have been.
When I started working with foster children, I had the hardest time understanding medication management.. in the midst of everything else I was learning(still am learning). During this training, I actually learned about different mental health diagnoses/disorders, things that I've been dealing with for the past year and should have/ maybe did learn about in my undergrad psychology class. I did as well in these classes as I did in any other, but I've always shyed away from psychology, because I think there is such a negative connotation and societal labels. However, in the journey to adulthood (which I think I can safely say I've crossed over :() I began to realize that everyone struggles with "mental health" and that diagnoses are not definitive.
This all being said, somewhere down the line, someone decided that we should use these diagnoses as some our primary bases for child welfare practice. Children who are obviously experiencing extreme environmental stressors which have a direct correlation to their mental health issues. It is a painful cycle. I've also noticed that the ones not labeled, or labeled less severe fit the mold of society and usually polar oppositely try painfully to always do the right thing and bury their pain/ mental struggle/ whatever you want to call it, deep down. This is no better, but it is easier for people to deal with this type of child/ person. They do well in life, but do they? Why is anxiety and depression so prevalent in our society? Is it because we are more aware of mental health, or is it because our society has become focused on the wrong things? I definitely don't know the answer, but I'm pretty sure it would be a combination of the two.
This brings up the idea of medicating these problems. I am not against medication, I used to be much more against it, but have learned through seeing their benefits, that they do have their benefits, but they should not be used as a quick fix. Our problems are deeper than a pill we swallow, especially a pill that is not closely enough monitored, sometimes makes problems worse, and may take a while to determine what exactly the right concoction is for a person. Find the roots of the problems, create a more loving system, and better the standard of living for those who are or could depend on medication. I don't have the answers, but I do know that we are over medicated and undereducated about medication as a society. Where to go from here, will be a complicated solution to a complicated problem, but some of the answers are, in my opinion, more simple than we'd think.
Disclaimer: No children were intentionally coerced or forced to be taken off of prescribed medication by author of this post ;)
I'm not one for outlandish conspiracies. I've heard rants about prescription drug companies and doctors being in cahoots to over medicate our society and I've definitely been inclined to fall prey to these easy explanations for an over medicated society. When I stop and think about it, I realize that I'd have to have pretty little faith in humanity to think this is actually true. I know plenty of people who would not let greed supersede their desire to help others or promote positive things in our society. Does this mean that I think our society is not over medicated? Hardly! I think that the conspiracies arise because of people who realize that it is a quick, and often scary, fix to a much larger problem.
I didn't really start thinking about this issue very much until I started working in mental health, experiencing chronic stress, and talking with friends who had been/ or knew someone who had been prescribed psychotropic medication. I was raised by half hearted hippies who rarely put me on anything and let me run relatively free in some respects, so even if a doctor had told my parents I should have been medicated as a child, I would not have been.
When I started working with foster children, I had the hardest time understanding medication management.. in the midst of everything else I was learning(still am learning). During this training, I actually learned about different mental health diagnoses/disorders, things that I've been dealing with for the past year and should have/ maybe did learn about in my undergrad psychology class. I did as well in these classes as I did in any other, but I've always shyed away from psychology, because I think there is such a negative connotation and societal labels. However, in the journey to adulthood (which I think I can safely say I've crossed over :() I began to realize that everyone struggles with "mental health" and that diagnoses are not definitive.
This all being said, somewhere down the line, someone decided that we should use these diagnoses as some our primary bases for child welfare practice. Children who are obviously experiencing extreme environmental stressors which have a direct correlation to their mental health issues. It is a painful cycle. I've also noticed that the ones not labeled, or labeled less severe fit the mold of society and usually polar oppositely try painfully to always do the right thing and bury their pain/ mental struggle/ whatever you want to call it, deep down. This is no better, but it is easier for people to deal with this type of child/ person. They do well in life, but do they? Why is anxiety and depression so prevalent in our society? Is it because we are more aware of mental health, or is it because our society has become focused on the wrong things? I definitely don't know the answer, but I'm pretty sure it would be a combination of the two.
This brings up the idea of medicating these problems. I am not against medication, I used to be much more against it, but have learned through seeing their benefits, that they do have their benefits, but they should not be used as a quick fix. Our problems are deeper than a pill we swallow, especially a pill that is not closely enough monitored, sometimes makes problems worse, and may take a while to determine what exactly the right concoction is for a person. Find the roots of the problems, create a more loving system, and better the standard of living for those who are or could depend on medication. I don't have the answers, but I do know that we are over medicated and undereducated about medication as a society. Where to go from here, will be a complicated solution to a complicated problem, but some of the answers are, in my opinion, more simple than we'd think.
Disclaimer: No children were intentionally coerced or forced to be taken off of prescribed medication by author of this post ;)
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