This week has been plagued with Death. Not death by sickness. Not death by tragic accident. Not death by old age. This death is much more heartbreaking. This death is by choice. This death is out of sadness. I've never thought much about suicide until the last year. In the last year I've had people close to me open up about their desires not to live. I've felt the burden of individuals so lost that they don't see the point, and I've cried for hours over the idea that life can be so sad. Worse, I've seen why they feel this way, I've seen the sorrow and overwhelm of the world.
I witnessed a suicide attempt this week by a twelve year old boy. I don't know how to get over this shock. Today I also find out that two young girls who attended my high school have taken their own life. I feel the weight of the world closing in among many people. Those I know and those I don't. Those I love and those I have indifference toward. The feeling of knowing that someone is this hopeless is without a solution. Is anyone really to blame for someone's suicide? Many people are left feeling burdened when someone close to them takes their own life; however, their is no single person ever responsible for a person's death. In addition, it is selfish for someone to take on this responsibility. An individual's decision to take their own life is the most independent and intimate decision a person can make and it is a decision that usually has solely to do with the person's own internal struggles.
However, the part of my personality that must fix everything, strives for a solution. How can I make the world better for others, how can I make the world better for myself and children that I may choose to have? How can we make individuals less hopeless? This is a very hopeless time.
My only answer is not an answer, nor is it complexly developed through research and planning. I've constantly gone over what the appropriate proto-call is and in my profession it is to call 911 when someone is actively suicidal. In my personal life, it is to let the person know I am there if they disclose they are considering it. In general, all this is only surface. What is most paramount to helping this problem is not done through lending advice nor is it done through calling officials. It is done through accepting and loving others, no matter what. This does not mean coddling. This does not mean excusing others hateful actions. This merely means acknowledging we cannot fully understand others intentions nor their internal convictions. We can only try our hardest not to make rash judgments. We can only try to show kindness as much as possible. We can only insure that we are not so closed off to the idea of trying to understand others, not through our own eyes but through the objective eyes of someone with selfless motives. And lastly, we can only make sure that we are not closed off to love and that we show love, in all of its capacities as much as we can. We can try to realize that we are worthy of love ourselves and let this guide us through the tough times. Lastly, we can realize that this is harder for some than others, and we can accept in their suicidal actions that they did not give up on us but on themselves. We can remember them fondly. We can find peace in their peace. We can love others more passionately and selflessly in their memory.
