First, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters share one major theme, they are uncontrollable and reek their own course. This uncontrollable element directly parallel's my recent journey. There were certain big storms that I had absolutely no control over. They came out of the blue sometimes, and sometimes there were forecasts that predicted them. Even when predicted, instead of evacuating to safer ground, I fearlessly and more often stupidly stood my ground and was enveloped by the storm.
Secondly, natural disasters have a beauty of pulling resources and bringing people together. Natural disasters show us as human beings, that sometimes, and more often than we would think, we need support and we cannot do everthing on our own. In this same theme they can show the most cherished depths of the human soul. The parts that are selfless and loving and encouraging. They bring out the best in people. I have spent the last few months evaluating the people in my life and I've come to some very shocking conclusions. The first being, I am overwhelmingly blessed to have an abundance of loving, selfless people in my life. Then I abruptly came to my second conclusion that I do not appreciate them or trust them in the ways that they deserve. I learned to rely on these people in a matter of hours and I also began to reconnect with the side of myself that is more like them (loving and selfless that is).
Lastly they disasters leave a feeling of calm and accomplished survival at their conclusion. They leave people feeling a mixture of contridictory emotions. The relief of the storm being over mixed strangely mixed with the dissappointment that the excitement of the storm is over. These initial emotional roller coasters are followed by the arduous task of picking up the pieces and sometimes starting over from scratch, as many had to do in the wake of hurricane Katrina.
After all this contemplation, I realize, weather is unpredictable, but it also follows patters. There are, have been, and will be many storms. I'm blessed to have never had an earth shattering event that leaves me feeling much like New Orleans after Katrina. My storms have been mild, but frequent of late. I'm not starting over, but rather adapting.
My adaptation sent me on a summer full of discovery....
Only 4 months ago, I was still spending time in my cubicle as a social worker, finishing up casework that should have been done a month prior. My heart was filled with release over leaving with tinges of remorse over the feeling of utter failure in most of my cases.
Only 3 months ago I said goodbye to everyone I loved in Georgia to head four states away to teach. I drove through Mississippi, Alabama, and Tennessee. I've never cried as much as I did on the trip to Memphis. It rained the entire way. It felt wrong, it felt like running from a tornado into a hurricane. The drive was flat, redundant, and dismal.
Only a little over 2 months ago, I made the drive back through Mississippi on a hot summer night. Driving all night through the same states back to Georgia. I was filled with failure. I quit something wonderful, but something that I was not ready for. Instead of failing as a teacher, I decided to quit. I never quit and this feeling was relieving and frightening. For the first time in a long time, I had no concrete plan. I somehow was not panicked. Opportunity fell into my lap and I began making new plans, plans revolving around a job that would be completely different from everything I'd worked toward, yet deep down, I knew it would teach me what I need to be the best social worker, and better yet person. A job that would allow me to use my strengths and give me time to breath. A job where I could still work with children, but I would not be burdened by the horrors that the children were experiencing. Instead, I get to work with children that are loved and protected, the way that I hope and pray all children will be.
So only a month ago, I packed up my car for a second time and I started on my second biggest journey. (interestingly enough, my two biggest journeys happened during the same summer) I drove through more states than I'd ever been through, in traffic I am thankful that I made out of alive. I saw many loved ones along the way and met new friends on the journey. The journey was tiring, but it felt like I was headed toward the right things. It felt like I was challenging myself and also letting go. I was leaving home.. Georgia that is. I'm now for the first time realizing that Georgia was home. I'm learning that it was in Georgia that I became the person I am grew to love the people who are now most important. This is what makes a place home. The good and the bad, I will always be a Georgia peach at heart. After letting go of Georgia, I made many stops, and finally arrived at my new home in Connecticut. There will be a post dedicated to this entire journey, but that is for another day. I am now living in my new little cape cod in a state that I knew nothing about a little over a month ago. I am now a small town Georgia transplant living down the street from a yacht club in Connecticut and working for people that have more money than the town I grew up in grossed in taxes. I'm discovering new places while I continue to discover myself and where life will take me. I am happy and I am loved. I am blessed.
This is a one of many rainbows I saw along the way driving to Connecticut. I think it had been several years since I could remember spotting a rainbow in all it's glory.
After all, some of the most beautiful sights in nature are either before, in the midst of, or after a storm.
