"When my blood runs warm with the warm red wine, I missed the life that I left behind. And when I hear the sound of the black bird's cry, I know I left in the nick of time. Well this road I'm on is gonna turn to sand, and leave me lost in a far off land. So let me ride the wind till I don't look back, and forget the life that I almost had. If I wander till I die may I know whose hand I'm in. If my home I'll never find and let me live again. The longer I run then the less that I find, selling my soul for a nickel and dime, breakin my heart to keep singing these rhymes, losing again. Tell my brother please not to look for me. I ain't the man that I used to be. Cause if my savior comes could you let him know. I've gone away, forward to save my soul."
Longer I Run by Peter Bradley Adams
I'm restless and need a change. I was raised in the same house in the same small town for 18 years, and am terrified of change; however, I am realizing that I have wings and not roots. Roots get me too comfortable and I begin to feel suffocated. This suffocation disguises itself as fear, procrastination, and unease. I've been in the same town for almost five years. Coming to this town was an immense culture shock and with each change I never grew restless as I grew and changed in my new environment. Today, however, I've outgrown my surroundings. I've gotten stagnant and want to escape. I think this is a very natural feeling and is probably why so many people are afraid of commitment.
We either doubt that what we have is what we need, or we doubt our ability to travel to unknown places. Doubt can cause us to never sprout our wings or plant our roots.
Is the doubt causing my restlessness, or is doubt keeping me grounded? In the past, doubt has kept me rooted and caused me to pass up opportunities of growth, but this time, I think I'm doubting my ability to grow in this environment. I want to escape this town because I don't want to face all the ways I've changed in the city. I want to pack up only the good experiences and changes and run until no one knows my name and I can start fresh and not bring my mishaps and growth areas with me.
I am not going to do this. I'm going to choose bravery and the harder path. In this bravery I may be weak, but I will not leave now. If I did, realistically, all the past would follow me and I would only re-create the past in a new environment. I need to soar in my soul, not in my footpath. When I'm ready, and it is right, I'll leave to discover the world, and not to escape. If i chose the easy path, I'd have to leave a lot of people behind and I need these people to be in my life as I push through to finish sorting out myself and life.
I'll continue to be restless, and to help appease this, I want to go on adventures and explore, without escaping. Adventures good for the soul, join me in discovering the beauty of the world and rediscovering the beauty within each of us. Wash out the feelings of doubt, wash away your chains, and leap into the life that you have at this moment. I've looked at tickets to Ireland today and maybe I'll get to go someday soon. More realistically, I've already started planned a camping trip with Miranda and Erin for the spring
No comments:
Post a Comment