Heartless

 I find myself sometimes wishing that there was a way to turn off my heart. I often wish I could turn off my brain, but ultimately it is the thoughts that come from the heart that cause so much pain. I'm already soulless being a red head and all, so maybe I shouldn't ever wish for such a thing. ;)

I think the only reason I've wished this lately, is that I've been getting full heapings of heart ache from many fronts in my life. My clients, my friends, my family, and even just people I meet through circumstance seem to all be experiencing some very substantial heartache, and I, for the first time in my life, have experienced some of my first real doses of heartache. I think my problem is that I was so blessed during my most of my life, so sheltered and loved, that I thought the whole world had this same experience. Don't get me wrong, I've always seen the heartbreak in the world, that is why I was the 10 year old reading books about the holocaust and slavery, but I was always so removed from it in my own experiences.

Now as I'm moving into the next month of my year of positivity, my thoughts and prayers are with everyone experiencing the sharp pangs of the heart. I know with time everything changes and pain gets much easier, but I'm just ready to put some time between the pains of the past and joy of the future. So in short, I would not want to turn my heart off because it would take away all of the beauty in addition to the pain. The pain will get better with time, but the beauty would be lost forever. 

February is in fact the month of valentines day... so get prepared for some "heartfelt" posts. This year Valentine's day will be especially hard but also especially beautiful because I'm surrounded by so many people I love.