Love is the Only Answer

This weekend one of my most dear friends who is in Med School, and thriving I may add, told me a very interesting anecdote. When me and this friend, Mallory, are together we always delve into the deepest levels of ourselves. She is the kind of friend that is and will always be at the center of my heart. Naturally we were discussing our lives and how hard the last few years have been on both of us. She brought up the issue of being well adjusted. She then discussed a situation where she was in class at her medical college and the professor asked everyone who had divorced parents to raise their hands. Mallory said only two out of eight students raised their hands. We discussed how family systems have such an enormous affect on adjustment and opportunity and life. Even though she is the minority and has had a much more unstable past (divorce only wipes the surface), she has done what it took to get to the very difficult place that her fellow medical students are in. A position and institution that it takes extreme dedication to reach.

This anecdote spiraled us into the obvious problem- people that overcome these barriers will always feel different because the majority of those they are surrounded for came to the same position with less effort. We then asked the question- is it better to overcome obstacles to only be replaced with the obstacle of feeling as if you don't belong?

Of course I would quit the field of social work if I felt that overcoming obstacles may be pointless if it only creates the obstacle of feeling as if you don't belong. But it does raise the question that happiness which is essentially the feeling of love and belonging is much less easy to come across for these people. We then discussed how adjustment has to do with support networks (family systems often being one of the most important.) Friendships are also important in this. This reminded me that when I ask so many of my teenage foster children who their friends are they so often reply that they don't have friends and only mere acquaintances. It is so easy to see that these children were never given the opportunity to trust and feel as if they are incapable of having anyone support or care about them. This is why I've begun to realize that the number one thing we must do in this world is learn how to genuinely and unselfishly love others. We cannot sacrifice ourselves for this purpose, but we can see where it is necessary and share this gift with those that we know we are supposed to. This is why the job of a child welfare worker is so difficult because we want to give the children we work with this love and feeling that they are deserving of this support network, but our job does not enable us to easily build up a trust or opportunity to be loving toward our children. I'm working how I can do both and I know that part of this is to be more peaceful and focused in my job.

I know I cannot be the support system for all of the eighteen children I work with, but for one child or maybe two, who knows, maybe even three, I could be the one to find a way to make them realize that they are worthy of the love and affection of at the least one close friend. I know that their is no way I would have survived this far without the amazing people that have supported me. Even with my many supports for being "well adjusted", I'm the type of person who often doesn't allow myself to lean on others, and I see how dangerous this can be, even for little things. Therefore, I'm realizing hope must come from the search for this support for all the humans I work with, including insuring I use my supports and support others in my personal life.

Love is really the only answer. Love can be both the most beautiful and wretched part of this world, but without it, there would be no hope.

This is dedicated to Mallory. Mallory is the definition of Strength, Love, and Honesty. She is a rock, but she is also a flower.. :), that is very corny, but sometimes corny is alright, when it is true.