Circular Movement

I realize that I often think in circles. Maybe not in the entirely hopeless circular patterns that often cause major issues or social problems. I guess I think more spherically? All thoughts leading back to my core beliefs and passions and subsequent tangents. This new project has helped me realize this. I guess that makes for pretty boring internet literature, eh? :) I don't care because remember this project is about self reflection and letting my true colors show with no... ok minimal... inhibition. If I had "no" inhibitions there would be undoubtedly days when I would write posts consisting of no more than AHHHHHH...

So since this blog is unmistakably circular and my fairly limited range of thoughts is getting recycled by this point, I've come to a new realization. My spherical thoughts have reinstated my feeling of absolute belonging in the field of social work. I've decided not to let burn out, hopelessness, fear, exhaustion, laziness, misanthropic thoughts (yes I've become slightly misanthropic at times :(... It makes me very guilty), or anything else prevent me from following the career that I'm obviously built for. Honestly, I don't really think I'd be skilled to do anything else.

I started looking up social work grad schools last night when I couldn't sleep. Something felt peacefully certain when I started looking at the UNC website. My original plan was to apply anywhere and everywhere for several programs, but for the first time, I'm thinking of diving without a back up plan. I'm thinking that in 2012 my only application may be UNC and if I don't get in then that is my sign that need to take a break and breath. Either way, I had a peace that has not graced many of my recent decisions, a feeling that I'm making the right choice. I haven't been good at right choices lately, or maybe I haven't been good at trusting my choices? Yes, that is it, and maybe my confidence is building back. Maybe I'm becoming stronger, maybe, but right now, I feel tired and I can't judge my strength because all I want to do is slumber.

I'm going to do just that, slumber. I think lacking sleep is one of the core roots of most of my recent "problems". This I'm working on to, and as I work on it, I encourage all to work on their confidence in choices. It often isn't the choices that scare us or often their isn't a wrong or a right choice. Often their is just the truth of knowing oneself and not being scared to make the choice to love this self. The good, the bad, and the very sleep deprived.