Lusting for Boredom

Where you one of those annoying children that consistently informed people that you were bored? As if it were their personal responsibility to entertain you. Well I was most certainly one of those children. Looking back I have two thoughts. One being, my poor parents, having to put up with such an annoying little bugger. Two being, I wish I knew then what I know now. It has been a good four years since I could honestly say I'm bored. Now I crave a moment where there is absolutely nothing to do. I don't think these moments exist, not in the type of life I've chosen. Maybe when I've reached my elderly years can I enjoy these moments again, and instead of begrudging them as I did in my childish naivety, I will cherish them in with the wisdom that has come from a full life.

Today was definitely a day that gave me a full dose of how boredom is eliminated from the vocabulary of a social worker. I got a new case today and in the midst of getting this new case I found out their were some pretty upsetting allegations against some of my other children and that one of my other teenagers had "run away". I guess I'm learning to accept this as the norm because I came home and had a pretty regular night. That is not to say that I didn't ruminate on the situations a little, but for the most part I allowed myself the luxury of realizing that I am only one person and I did all I could. Also, coming off the tail end of another round of sickness, I realized that I cannot do anything if I'm not healthy. So I left it at work, I came home, ate some dinner, watched some TV, and now I'm settling into bed. I often feel, just as I have in other positions that come with such responsibility, that I'm not allowed to be a real person too and that I have to constantly be who I need to be for the people I serve, but this does no one any good. I am human, in the same reasons that I feel it is so necessary to serve my fellow humans. I cannot in trying to help their lives, allow mine to slip into equally destructive patterns. There is a poem that circulated around our office that more eloquently expresses everything I want to express about social work. Today, I felt every line of this poem; however, today I did not cry. Maybe I've used up too many tears in the last few months (or should I say last 8 or so months), maybe I felt as though the heavy rain that accompanied tonight was God's way of crying and that I didn't need to. More likely, it may be that I'm getting stronger and learning to do this and learning that I can love and be happy in a job that often feels hated and full of sorrow. Today I felt stronger, today I felt just a little more confident, in a job that often bleeds out one's confidence.

Here is the poem that expresses it all much more concisely, much more beautifully-

Being a Social Worker Means..
You will never be bored.
You will always be frustrated.
You will be surrounded by challenges.
So much to do and so little time.
You will carry immense responsibility
and very little authority.
You wil step into people's lives
and you will make a difference.
Some will bless you
Some will curse you
You will see people at their worst
and their best
You will never cease to be amazed
at people's capacity for
love, courage, and endurance.
You will see life begin and end.
You will experience resounding triumphs
and devestating failures.
YOu will cry a lot
You will laugh a lot
YOu will know what it is to be human
and to be humane.
~ Author Unknown