The end of the work day has a beautiful element. You know you have accomplished all you can and you get to go home and make time for yourself. There is a freedom in this point of the day. That is if you are not a social worker with my mental functioning. I've always worked on the premises that I resolve things. As a child I would NEVER go to bed angry. I quite frequently would get into fights with my mom at bedtime, and I'd lay in bed hoping that she would come kiss me goodnight even though we had been fighting ro resolve things. When I finally gave up on her doing this, I'd always get out of bed and go force her to resolve our conflict and so I could give her a kiss goodnight. Granted this often sent me to bed more angry because my mama has a much different outlook than I; however it is a good indication of my immense propensity for rumination.
In the field of social work, and probably in most of my personal relationships too, this is a very large obstacle. There is some good in the ability to see the need for resolution; but there is also the reality that resolution takes time and one needs to learn the ability to allow something to slip from the mind when thinking on it will have no positive affect. When I leave work at night there will always be one-million things left to do, but it is so important to take time to stop and realize, I am only one, and many others are working toward the same goals.
It isn't just me that has this problem. It is many in my field, personal life, and even in my clients. Some of the individuals I work with, despite the negative situations they may find themselves in, have overcome more in their lives than we could imagine; however, they find it hard to overcome their current hurdles because they ruminate on things they cannot change instead of what they can change.
For me, I realize that these feelings often emerge from feeling as if I fail to succeed by the standards set for me. I realize that it is impossible to reach these standards, and as I learn this I'm becoming less of a "ruminator". It is when this rumination reaches the point that individuals feel not that they cannot succeed, but that they can't survive that there becomes a real problem.
This is the hardest part about this work, or life in general, we see that so many have given up on survival. I must clarify that when I say survive, I don't mean pushing aside thoughts of suicide, I mean living life with a purpose and not giving up on your dreams. The world gives us a very beautiful picture of "success", but someone can live by this definition and still be falling deeply inside a whole of failure to survive. Surviving means we do what we can and we let the good win. Good meaning the loving, honest, and free side of the world. Sometimes letting it win may feel like failure, but in the end you will be a surviver and this is indeed better than a life of empty success.
Saying no when you need to and letting go of "failures is part of surviving, but their is a difference between giving up and letting go. Letting go is in spirit of survival and giving up is in a spirit of defeat. So I challenge myself and all of you to give yourself permission to let go and to lift others up when you feel they may be on the brink of giving up. Let me know if you ever figure out the secret to doing this :)...
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